A few years ago, my husband and I got into a “heated discussion” and my opinion and concerns seemed to not matter. At the moment, I felt invisible and overlooked. If I were to be completely honest I would have to say I was mad, hurt, and I even cried. However, once the tears started, I felt insecure and even more frustrated, so I went into productivity mode and starting cleaning my closet while pushing down the sting of pain. Productivity used to make me feel better. But this night it was different. I had been on my healing journey long enough to know the power of pain and this was a golden opportunity.
So, I pushed pause in my mind and brought awareness to what was truly going on in my internal world. I sensed this had little to do with the “heated discussion,” but more so to do with something operating inside my unconsciousness. Then, I accepted where I was in that present moment, (mad, frustrated, hurt) because I knew this piece of pain was purposeful and I had a choice to make. So, then I asked the question, “What is this pain revealing in my heart? What is the root of this feeling? “Show me, God!”.
And in the stillness, I suddenly remembered standing on the middle school playground in a circle. There were two team captains and each were picking teams to play kickball. The circle slowly became two distinct lines until only one person was left. And that one person was me and I was dying on the inside. My thoughts swirled within as I fought back tears, “Was I that bad? Why didn’t anyone want me? What was wrong with me?”. It was as if I was invisible. Not seen. Or seen, yet not good enough to be chosen. My little heart shattered!
It was in that moment I subconsciously made a vow, “Fine, I’ll show them; I’ll figure out how to be what they will like; I’ll never let them not want to choose me again.” This was the beginning of a long road producing my worth and people pleasing to get approval. And living from the neck up began, which I call “head-living.” I shut down my heart, took a few steps away from my truest self and built a false façade, then I began living behind the mask. The mask of productivity, people pleasing, selflessness, purchasing my worth, and so much more. What do I need to “do” for others so I can be worthy? What do I need to do to be chosen?
THE TRUTH GOD REVEALED: I believed I had to “do” to “be”. I believed I had to produce something of worth to be worthy. It was a lie and I lived under the spell of it for most of my life. It was not until I learned about my wounds, their messages, my subconscious vows, and how to renounce them that the mask began falling off. This piece of my healing journey was crucial in uncovering and embracing my truest self. What I discovered was my pain had a powerful purpose! And my pain was an asset to more healing. You see, yes, my argument with my husband was hurtful. However, instead of running from what I was feeling, I ran into it. And inside that pain was a golden gateway to the root of an old wound that God wanted to heal.
HEAR ME BEAUTIFUL ONE! It is time for you to rise up, stop pushing down your pain with productivity and people pleasing, and start being present in your pain so you can heal. Your pain can be a beautiful asset to reveal golden nuggets of limiting mindsets and unconscious vows. It can be a powerful tool to opening a door to more healing and wholeness that God has available for you. Your pain will not consume you if you feel it. You will be okay. It is worth it my friend. YOU ARE WORTH IT!
As women, one of our biggest struggles is not being enough!
- Not pretty enough
- Not smart enough
- Not skinny enough
- Not good enough
Have you ever felt not enough?
Do these feelings subconsciously dictate your life?
Have you ever asked when and where did this belief start?
Have you ever asked for God to reveal the lie and speak His truth?
ARE YOU READY TO PURPOSE YOUR PAIN?
Are you ready to stop producing, purchasing, and people pleasing to obtain your worth? Click here to watch my IGTV story on this very topic. Click here and get on the waitlist for my new 6-week online program “Fully Alive”.
DO YOU LONG TO:
- Connect with women in their stories.
- Be seen and heard in a safe space
- Purpose your pain.
- Experience healing and cultivate wholeness.
- Uncover and embrace your truest self so you can live awakened and authentic and fully alive, free!
THEN COME JOIN ME NOW