Which is better, being right or being at peace?
In the middle of a reoccurring conflict with her loved one she lost perspective and ignored this question. She felt justified and decided to stand her ground. Her feelings took charge and she vowed to no longer be taken advantage of. Her firm stance caused both to push away magnifying the problem. Each harped on the others mistakes causing defensive feelings to rise.
Neither allowed the value of their relationship nor the actual solution to be the focus and forgiveness flew out the window. How long would they allow this to draw a wedge between them? Would either seek truth or peace?
Have you been pitted against a loved one? Have you ever been so determined to be right that it drove you to self-centeredness, which led to more conflict?
Many arguments grow from a reoccurring conflict, un-forgiveness, self-centeredness, and or a difference in opinion. Perhaps you and your loved one fundamentally disagree on a sensitive subject, or you handle situations differently and it rubs the other the wrong way. Engrained differences in character and perspective can lead to a loop of endless arguments. Fighting about it again and again does not usually resolve the root of the problem. Acknowledging that you both may never be on the same page about a certain issue and, discovering how you can create a pattern that’s productive and supports the relationship can be the beginning of healing and conflict resolution.
Sincere forgiveness can also be a tremendous relief and a simple strategy to overcome conflict. Remember everyone is human, makes mistakes, and comes into their relationships with a different perception based on their story.
Action steps to help you create healthy relationship habits that carry through even the toughest of times:
- Always remember – “your battle is not with flesh and blood, but with the principalities of darkness.”
- Focus on the possible solution (rooted in God’s truth), which minimizes the drama and places your loved one on the same team, not against you.
- Keep the conversation solution-centered. It is not about being right; it is about seeking peace.
- Agree to disagree without sarcasm.
- Forgive often and quickly.